it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
