We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
