the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
