They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
