I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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