i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
