So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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