You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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