What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
