upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
