eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
