it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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