have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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