I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
