that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
