Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
