So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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