I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Someone signed my nipple.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
