nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
