The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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