I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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