I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
