I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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