Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
