i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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