Three words: puerto rican gang bang
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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