Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
