The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
