He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
