Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
