Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
