i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
