I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
