I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
