I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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