Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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