I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize