They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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