last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm always down for nudity.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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