hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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