It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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