Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
