New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
