somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
