so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
