Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
