:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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