Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
