You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
