he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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