Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
