so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize