bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
