I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
