oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
