Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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