I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
