Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize