I think my fart just growled at me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
