you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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