i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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