Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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