I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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