if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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