Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
