Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
