Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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