what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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