living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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