I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize
