Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
